Bruised and battered.

Ah.. The joys of being a base.
That's being elbowed by you flyer, crushed by the same person, getting bruises because of the same person, falling because of the very same persons and you're whole body aches because of... I'm sure you guys get it now.
Those are the joys of being a base. Just as Nadia puts it. Cool huh? *being very sarcastic*
So that's how I got my hand injured.
And that's the reason my whole body aches like mad.

Cheer competition is like less than two weeks away and the tension in the air is so thick that you could suffocate.
Everyone is like an emotional wreck because we're worse than we actually thought we were.
So it's like MAD, MAD, MAD every day.
Figures why I'm never in a good mood these days.
Cheer is only a small part compared to all the other troubles and conflicts I face everyday.
So I'm so sorry if I snap at you guys. I don't mean to.
Times are really crazy now.
Sometimes I think I even hear things. *laughs maniacally*

I'm sure some of you must be scratching that big head of you guys and wonder why I'm head over heels over cheerleading. Well, the only answer I can give you is that I enjoy it. Why? I, myself don't even know cause I just do. Full-stop.

Since my homework are piling higher and higher, I better disappear now. *whoosh*

Before that,



Pictures from St. John gathering.
And I found out I have people who are fans of my blog. *shouts with glee*
So I want to say thank you to all my adoring fans and continue reading my blog. *giving perpetual hugs and blowing kisses*
~ Kell's out.

Turmoil of emotions.

It's just like bottling up your emotions in a blender and then you turn the blender on.
That's how my emotions are. Just in the blender, being blended. In other words, unstable.

I need a vent. I'm sick of keeping it all inside.
It takes so much strength to keep myself sane.
Cause this is how it's like:


Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm living a life in hiding cause I'm so afraid. The little feeble thing, so small and vulnerable.
That's how I feel like when it all happens at one go.
The harder I try, the worthless it becomes.
Overwhelmed with joy, trouble, fantasies, hopes, forgiveness, responsibilities and sorrows.

I need time ALONE.
A day not surrounded by people and feel lonely.
A day of piece and quiet.
A day with just me, myself.
A day of reflecting and thought.

Thank you for being there for me. It just took a few simple words from you to show that it care. I'm a little surprised that you text me right away when you thought of me. I'm even more surprised that you still remember me. We weren't that close and we didn't talk much. I'm gladder than glad that your simple words made me happier than I have been for the past few days. I was really down when I got back. Your text made me smile a little cause I know I have been down and emotionless lately.

You showed me the way to go.
Comforted me in a comforting way.
Promised me that you'll always be there for me.
Sounding me when I pushed myself to far.
Reassuring that no matter that is always the right choice.
Embracing me with your prayers for me.
You let me back to God.
Encouraged me to seek Him whatever happens.
Telling me over and over that He loves me dearly even when I have sinned.

I don't know what triggered you to text me out of the blue but I believe it was all God's plan. Maybe you received my distress call eventhough I did not send out any. But God knew I was in distress without myself realizing it. Thank you so much for caring. All I want to do now is give you a hug. And my brightest smile. For at the end of the day, we'll both be the grinning idiots but who cares? We're both the grinning idiots who has discovered THE treasure everyone seeks. I like the saying "Kindness always returns to you for it is never gone." Heard of it? Most probably not cause it came right from my heart. I'll always want to be your friend. Having a friend like you sums up all my relief.

All tears has stopped flowing. For I know God is always there for me.

Last but not least, to all South Anchorz cheerleaders, don't give up. Push yourself to the limit. Nadia has already given her very best to the team, why can't we all do the same? We're all equally tired and frustrated but there is no reason for you to give up so easily and continue ranting. Didn't you know, we're all in this together, as a team. Doesn't that matter at all? It's such a disappointment, if you actually realized it. So stop all your crappy complaining and start doing something worthy. We promised one another to. And we love one another don't we? I'm glad for today for I got to tell you guys what I felt. The thoughts we shared, the tears we cried out, the hugs we offered to each other...... We're pillars of support for one another. Someday you'll discover the joy of cheerleading. So please for all you're efforts, the time you gave up, the commitment you paid, the energy you used up, the sweat you poured out, the work Nadia did just for us, do something for the team. You don't know how it's like but trust me, once you do, you'll break down and cry. Cause then, reality hits you like a bullet right smack in the heart.

You'll discover the joy of it. Like I did.

P.S. Be strong girl. I know it's hard for you. I might not hold a special place in your heart but just remember, no matter what I'm always there for you. So put a brave smile on your face and continue living for yourself, for it is within you, you'll fine divine happiness. You have nothing to loose for you are blessed with many gifts others yearn to posses. So cheer up, my friend.

I'll be there to stitch up your every tear. That's what friends are for.

Raoul in high-heels.

Yup. Raoul in high-heels.
If you read The Phantom Of The Opera, you'll know who Raoul is.

So for role-play, Amelia is Christine Daae while I'm Raoul.
We have to act out chapter 7 & 8. These two chapters aren't easy.
So as Raoul, I have to declare my unrequited love to Christine, kiss her and ask her for her hand-in-marriage.
Easy huh? You can say that again. Or NOT.
But since I'm shorter than Mea, she suggested that I wear high-heels.
Well, it will be fun to try it out anyway.
If only there were guys, imagine all the squeals of laughter and shouts.
The class will be in a state of madness and chaos.
If only.
Doesn't matter that much anyway, it's dramatic being in an all girl class.

LOL-ing.

Jeff, Me and Sean on St. John Gathering.

The guys and I.

Maybe I'll upload more pictures. If I get them. Back to the crazy and dramatic life.
Kells out.

Can't Help But Too..

Go crazy.
My body aches, all over. First it was my hand and now it's my leg.
Mum thought I had a muscle tear in my right hand. It still hurts a little now but the pain is bearable.

These days are just so EXHAUSTING!!
Usually it's tiring but now it's tiring. I thank God that I'm actually still here, alive and kicking.
To be honest though, I like the feeling of it. Feeling exhausted because I actually did something and my body will adapt. It always does.

There's always a few things that keep me going everyday. Thank God for it.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going astray from God, the most important thing in my life. All I know is that I don't want to feel that way. I've experienced life without God and trust me, it was like hell on earth. ( a figure of speech) There's always something there preventing me. Stopping me mid track. Always that something. If it isn't this than it's that. I just want to pray to God that I'll have the strength to carry on even if I think I don't for He is my strength. I just want to learn more about Him and read His words. I know what I'm doing when it comes to this.

What Hui Yi posted in her blog is true. The older we get, the less we dream.
Cause reality hits us hard with a BANG.
Our imagination locked up deep in our hearts like caged birds.
We forget how to dream cause our mindsets are that dreaming leads us no where.
We loose the ability to grasp the unreachable cause in our heads we think it's impossible and we'll just end up utterly disappointed and useless.
But don't you know, if you don't try,

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

Sure, we always want everything to work out the way WE want it.
But what if it doesn't? What are you going to do about it?
Raise your hands up in defeat and trudged your legs all the way home, all the while thinking you're a good-for-nothing or try that extra harder and go that extra mile?
It's a question, I myself want to ask myself.
Cause when things get unbearable, all I want to do is quit.
Yes, quit.

I never want to grow up. Maybe I will someday. We'll wait for that someday.
But for now, I refuse to even though I have to.
So I'll continue believing in my dreams and continue hoping cause I know that I'll never give up on myself.

Beauty lies within what the eyes can't see but the heart perceives.

For now, I wish that the little something will happen. I'll continue being friends with you cause it's nice being with you. Someday we might be more than that but I'm satisfied now. I wished we knew each other longer so that we can share more splendid moments together. But knowing you now brings joy to my heart. May new-found friendship never end and continue growing for friends are meant to grow together and care for each other.

I won't give you false hope. I'll be lying to myself.

Dreading to bring sorrows to yourself.

p.s. I know I'm suppose to do the Bible Tag last week Michael but I don't know how to answer them. I'll do it when I get the answers. So I'll be reading the bible more often now.

I got them!!

The pictures from camp. Yay! Love you lots, Eugene.

CLICKEH!! You won't regret it.

There are 378 pictures by the way. Just for your knowledge. Have fun browsing through them and see if you can spot me.

That's all for today.

~ Kell's out.

*puffs cheeks*

I'm not FROG!! *ribbit* *ribbit*


I believe I'm DRAGONFLY.

So no froggies.

Bah...

P.S. Read the post posted on Friday, 30th May and you'll know what I mean.

I was gone.

And now I'm back. Freaky?
Nah, I didn't resurrect from the dead.
The first week of the holidays gone with a *whush*
7 days spent at anywhere but home. 3 days 2 nights at Eugene's house.
4 days and 3 nights at Alor Gajah, Malacca. I was suppose to post about church camp last week. And today is already the end of school holidays. My timing is just great.
Oh, well. I'll just post it now.
Let's rewind to last week.
The first week of the school holidays.

Since Monday, I wasn't at home. Stayed over at Eugene's house cause his church was near his house. Slept late that night indulging in the presence of ASTRO.
Trust me, I regretted it the next day. Had to wake up freaking early the next day. I spent 4 days 3 nights here. I loved it very much there and the whole resort was handled by a Christian family. If I was given the chance, I would rewind time and go through camp all over again. I've known quite a few friends from Vacation Bible School (VBS) end of last year. Carman, Phoebe, Bryan, Ivan, Joanne, Crystal, Shan-berg, Wilson and Timothy. It was great meeting them again after half a year. I made many new friends.

See Kay, Me and Ivy. Taken with Andrew's EOS 200. Zealous as I want one.

I think it was God's plan to bring me to this camp. Through this camp, my love with God rekindled and became stronger. Experiencing it, I feel comforted and exuberant. I'm thankful to Eugene for bringing me to this camp and to Ivan for inviting me. I don't regret even a nano-second for going. I was in Pasach, the name of Japlet's son. Phoebe found out who he was and we were given extra points. I actually miss the food! Usually, most food at camps are horrible or bland but this was the opposite. Even till now, I crave for the food. During camp, I stuffed myself till I was bloated. Apparently, the owner's wife opened a restaurant before. Her specialty was potatoes, pepper and onions. We had a game called Metarace on the first day. My team got last but we had fun. We had a preacher from America named John. He's a funny guy. On the second day, we dared him eat durians. He could stand the smell but after one bite, he couldn't take it. It was hilarious watching the whole thing as Shawn and a few more of them pester him to eat another piece. John talks really fast. And when I say fast, I mean fast. Some of you think I talk too fast, but if you listen to him talking, you think I talk slow. He beats me hand-down.

I was in the same chalet as Phoebe, Carmen, Queenie, Wai Min, Hui Yi and Crystal. Our chalets were located at the edge of the jungle. While we were talking in our dorms during lunch break, Carmen could see monkeys staring at us as we talked. How cool was that? We get to stare at monkeys swinging around the trees and they get to stare at us as we talk. Lights went out at 11pm. I couldn’t really sleep that night. Kept waking up. Don’t ask why, I’m still laughing over the reason.

On the second day, we had another game that involved full exposure to the sun. A few of them got sun-burned. Like See Kay, Ruth, Eugene and KK. I got tanned or should I say darker just by standing under the super-duper hot, sunny sun for about two hours. We played Capture The Flag. My team lost. Again. But we still laughed over it. We watched a show, The Last Sin-Eater. It was touching. Sophia cried through-out the whole movie while I was on the brink of tears. The show really opened up my mind. Before dinner, I played Frisbee with KC and Daniel. Daniel is just 14 and he’s the owner’s of the resort’s son. He helps out with the chores around the resort. Plus he’s a very fun guy, knowledgeable and out-going. A group of people from Sarasota Baptist Church came to our song to play for us that night. Check them out. The worship was awesome. Their drummer was a mum of a guy. A mum. Can you believe it? She was filled with energy. And her son played the cello. I guess it makes up for missing Hillsong concert. Every single one of them were so lively and energetic. It just pumped our adrenaline. At night, it rained heavily. I woke up several times, listening to the rustling to the leaves, the gushing of the wind and the pitter patter of the rain on the roof.

When we woke up the next morning, it was still raining. Phoebe, Carmen and I ran all the way from the chalet to the canteen, the place where we ate. We were soaked and were freezing when we reached. Timothy turned on the fan and we shivered like mad. Thankfully, the rain stopped a while later. I can still remember this day very vividly in my head. We had treasure hunt today. It took up practically the whole day. The treasure hunt was called the Legend Of The Porampo. Honestly, the clues that they give us were bloody hard to figure out. We cracked our heads just to figure out ONE clue and there were SEVEN of them. Oh, boy. At the beginning, they showed us a video. Then, they gave us an envelope containing clues and evidences. To name a few, there were journals, plays from Hamlet, Chinese scripture and a compass. The most funniest part was when Angeline scolded KK aka Jon, Pasach’s group leader. He actually took it to heart and felt that he lost his dignity. *laughs heartedly* She is only 12 and pint sized compared to him. He was around 17 and big-sized.

When we found the map, we had to find the treasure. And that involves trekking into the jungle to look for the treasure. Guess what was the codeword to go to the next part? I crave for tuna swordfish. Hilarious. We went jungle trekking and found a few clues in the jungle that led us nearer to the treasure. Timothy cloaked himself in black robes and scare people who were passing by. He acted as the Sin Eater. Guess what’s the treasure. It’s *pauses to take a deep breath* JESUS CHRIST. And eternal life when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal saviour. My team won. We got first. We shouted and jumped jubilantly. Crazy us. But who cares. Since two teams were still in the jungle. We got to take bath first. From my chalet, Phoebe and I could hear people screaming with fright. All thanks to Tim. They were frightened by him.

After all the teams came back, we watched a video titled, “How Great Is Our God”. It was a great sermon. We learnt more about our constellations. Apparently, the Sun is not the biggest star in the universe. What a mind-blowing fact. It was a great sermon. The most amazing thing was learning about God’s love for us. Changed my perspective about some things in my life. The part that got everyone bursting into laughter was when the guy said, “Imagine Earth as a golf ball.” Everyone will start bursting into gales of laugher. I feel blessed to have found God in my life. Whatever obstacle or challenge I’m going to face, I won’t give up cause I know that God will be there for me. As he will be for each and every one of us. I admitted how I felt to my family group and counselor. Everyone in the family group did including the counselor. We felt closer and bonded with one another.

Today was the day, I belly-laughed after a long, long time. I laughed till my sides ached and I still couldn’t stop. All thanks to KK and Angeline. Angeline started laughing when we were eating dinner. Hours later, she was still laughing. KK got her hyper. Which passed on to me. Hattush’s group was laughing uncontrollably since Shawn and Kenneth was cracking jokes. We had to think of a performance for the next day. KK came up with the idea of doing a trust fall. It’s someone standing on a few chairs facing the other side, falling and his or her group members must catch him or her. KK begged Angeline to be the one to fall. In the end, I did it. It was freaky but fun. We were allowed to sleep late that night since it was the last day. Us, being girls, talked and talked. It was great getting to know them. We call Carmen Mong Cha Cha. She’s someone whom you all should meet. She has a great personality and loves cracking lame jokes but it brightens up the atmosphere. Phoebe is another charming girl you would want to meet. Her smile’s brightens up your day in a flash.

On the last day, everyone woke up late. The performance was great. My group, Pasach which all the other groups came up with names like market since it sounds like that in Cantonese. I enjoyed Hattush’s performance the most. It was a drama. I’m still waiting for Shawn to post it on Youtube. My group got FIRST. From last to first. Amazing feat. It really was. At the beginning there were triple digits in the other group’s scores while my group only had two digits.

Everyone.

I wish it wasn’t over but everything nice has to come to an end. It’s called moving forward instead of being trapped in the present. I gained many experiences during this camp. I felt closer to God and I enjoyed my quiet times since I get to spent them with God. The times got me thinking. Really thinking. I feel unworthy of his love. But then I feel blessed and thank God for sacrificing his one and only Son to die on the cross for all our sins. I made up my mind to continue committing myself to God and to know him even more.

Last but not least, I got inspired to do something. I’m unsure if I’m able to actually do it but I just want to give it a go since I have nothing to loose. I’ll really miss all of my friends from Cheras Baptist Church. I hope to see them again. Soon. And I want to watch Timothy, Bryan and Wilson play live again. The song Undo by Rush of Fools and Shine by Matt Redman has been stuck in my head for days.

I stayed at Eugene’s house on Friday and went for a workshop the next day. I’ll post it when I have the time. Toodles.

P.S. It’s a looong post. I know. Credits to Xun Kin for asking me to post it. *grins widely*

P.S.S. There are lots more pictures but since I don't Facebook, I don't have access to them. Everyone in this church has Facebook. Seriously.

I'll Take It Up.

Yup, I'll challenge myself to do it.
Carmen dared me to be as good as Bryan.
It's definitely not going to be easy but I've got inspired by you.
If I give it a try it might be possible. I hope my passion for it never dies.
Cause I have other reasons to be as good as him.
I feel comforted knowing the main reason I'm doing it.
Bryan keeps on improving himself eventhough he knows he's brilliant at it.
He is superbly good. Carmen sure nailed it hard.
But I'm not going to go crazy over it. I'm going to take my time learning and have fun along the way. That's the whole point. I guess. *blurs a little*
I'll pray that God will help me to continue getting better and better day by day. It's possible if I actually have the effort to improve myself.
*points to myself and talks* "See, you know it is so why not do it?"
LOL-ing I'm not myself at the moment. Mind me.

Kell's out!