If You Only Knew.

You're all alone now. I can't help you anymore.
No more.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met you,

I wished we hadn’t got acquainted,

Wished you didn’t fall for me,

It wouldn’t hurt that much rejecting you,

Cause you’ll just be a random stranger,

A stranger that passes by me,

Without a care in the world.

But you had to.

You had to know me.

You had to charm me with you’re witty sense of humor,

You had to be part of my world,

You had to tell me you cared.

What was I to do?

Now, as I sit recalling the days,

I wished I hadn’t met you.

Wished you were never pulled my heartstrings,

For now, I remorse over what you’ve become.

Somehow, I don’t know how,

You found a way into my heart.

You made me care,

Though I didn’t want to,

You made me think that I could have stop it.

Even when I kept telling myself,

It was YOUR decision,

YOURS, not mine.

So why do I blame me?

Be anywhere but here.
Please.

Just a drop to say "I'm here, alive, maybe."

I should not be on the computer.
Anywhere near it or even touching it.
Why?
Cause of so many reasons.
They're unlisted.

Today, was a complete waste of time.
I should have just fall back to bed and continue my very weird dream.
Of all chapters to get, I got the chapter on reproduction. Pftt...
What a big joke.
Catching up on my sleep would be much more appealing.

Man, I'm so freaked out. Like big-time freaked out.
There's a taekwondo tournament coming up and my master signed me up for it.
It's a world tournament. And everyone stresses on the WORLD.
I'm in for the pattern and sparring.
Training is tough. And I feel so not ready.
The worst part is that it's all SOLO. Alone.
I get all fidgety when I freak out.
Since this is my first time in a tournament, I expect the worse.
Don't blame me kay.
I never dreamt of joining one. Not in my wildest dream. Never.
So I have every right to be freaked out.
And to pile it on, intervention 3 is the day after the tournament.
Oh joy.

The punching bag that we used to practice on has now become a bean bag.
I'm serious. The guys kick bloody hard. All I manage is a few miserable kicks out of me.
Getting weaker and weaker after the next kick.
My knuckles hurt like mad after punching and my carpals (wrist) feel like they've been disconnected from my joints.
This is worse than last year. I have no idea what I've got myself into.
Eventhough I'm freaked out in doing the pattern alone, I'm still okay with it compared to sparring.
Sparring with my brother is something I look forward to, but sparring with a total stranger?
Might as well ask me to climb the Himalayan mountains. I'd rather do that.
I guess I watch to much violence movies back then. All the blood and body fluids gushing out from a body.
Really shatters you're confidence.

Gasping for air,
Eyes shut in anticipation,
Withholding the pain that flows through,
Beads of sweat trickling down the spine,
Drop by drop,
It falls.

Everytime they sit and stare at me,
A surge of emotions tumble through me.
Mostly I want to run away,
Far away from this nightmare.
But I can't.
Cause I know I have to face it.
Words can't describe what's going on inside me.
I can't wait for it to be over.
But I'll regret it when it's over.
Ironic, ain't?

Choral speaking in secondary school is totally chaotic and dramatic. Fueled of energy, zest, laughter, annoyance, frustration and tears.

Gwen, Me & Jia. Time sure whizzes by...

People. Lol.

It was crazy. We went, we did it, we rocked our worlds!! *laughs out loud*
The journey in the bus was crazy, WE (well, most of us) were crazy. LOL. I have no comment about the bus. *Pftt*

I watched Transformers 2. I really did!!
With Jen and my brother.
Totally awkward.
Yeah, but oh-so-worth-it.
Now, no one will talk to me cause I babble to much and give them all the spoilers.
So, I'm stuck with my brother to debate with.
I want to watch it again but I doubt I'll have the chance.

This is all for now. As usual, I have a lot to say. But words just get stuck in my head.
Check back here several weeks later.
Ciao.

P.S. I know what you did for me. I'm left by the side, speechless.
P.P.S. Dude, you got to stop calling me "that". *pouts*

Huh.

Truth to be told. I tried to update a few times after the last post. BUT. Yes, there's a but.
But I got so distracted by all my multi-tasking that I abandoned that task. Smart, nay?

"Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like reaching out for a star you know you'll never reach but you just got to keep trying."

Awwhhh... Why are the holidays whizzing by without me having a single clue?
I still have so many things I want to do. *moans*
However, I've been slightly cured by two doses of full-action-packed-crime tv series.
CSI:NY and BONES!!
Watched two full seasons last week. Fantabulastic. I made that word up. Or maybe I heard that somewhere.
Anyway, I can eat while watching some random sicko blowing up a human body or a pathologist with a dark sense of humor pulling the organs out for lab results.
Yea, I can actually eat with all the blood and gore. Doesn't dampen my appetite at all.
That day, I saw a dead corpse of a cat lying by the side of the road. All's left was the bones and some organs. I think it's been there for a while but I wasn't freaked out when I saw it.
Conclusively, proven by me that these shows help with all the blood and gore.

So now, I'm on Gilmore Girls. Way out of date but hey, a show is a show right? Doesn't matter when it was released. As long as it's good. And it sure is.
First, the voice I hear in my head is Brennan from Bones and now, it's Rory from Gilmore Girls.
Signs that I'm crazy but I knew that already.

All I know now is that when school reopens, I'll be a piece of dead meat.
He calls her up telling her about it and how he needed me in it and she gave me less than a day to decide. What am I going to tell her the next day? He wants the answer and she wants my response. It's going to two bloody long weeks if I say yes. Which she expects me to. I just don't want to think about it now. Wait till the next day.

Mum wants me to learn knitting or crocheting after PMR. Total weirdness.
There's a difference between knitting and crocheting. There actually is. Go check it out if you're sitting around doing absolutely nothing, something to do with the needles apparently.
You know, I never thought of myself as the one to take up anything that has to do with sewing or connected to it. We'll wait and see how things turn out..

Okay, I'm speaking in transitions again. That has to stop. How? I'll figure it out next time.
I'll figure it out, but till then, if you're reading this, deal with it. =]

This post feels long but it's not. I'm going to bed. Night.

P.S. I have pictures which I took and can't wait to post them.
P.P.S. It's hard. It really is.
P.P.P.S. I have to stop my really bad habit. Today's the last day. It will be.

ROFL.

Between Vick and I.

Kaylee- Through the pinhole. You'll do wonders. =] says:
i'm so hyper
Kaylee- Through the pinhole. You'll do wonders. =] says:
it's like i just drank coffee
Vicki says:
hmm
Vicki says:
you're always so hyper, darling.

Is that true?
I really hope it's not cause I feel so emo-ish sometimes and mad at myself half the time and baffled at the world most of the time. Nah... Doesn't make any sense.

I finally got to talk to my long lost buddy today. He's as perverted as any guy can be but I've miss him so much.
Yes, he annoys me but hey, at least he listens when I'm down and does the darnest thing to cheer me up.
We had a long chat and I got insulted so many times that I've lost count. That's what I get when I fulfill my promise to get in touch with him after my exams. *sighs* The world is coming to an end.
I have no idea where the last line came from. *ROFL* Anyhow, we both share a great deal and did some catching up. That's all that mattered.
Note to self, "Must not abandon friends." Tee-hee...

I love this.

It's a dream-catcher actually. It's a dainty little thing from the Native Americans. Check it out.

I must go now. Got to watch Britain's Got Talent FINALS.
All Vick and Chris fault for getting me addicted. Haha.. Blame them instead.

Ciao.

P.S. You owe me dude. And no, I don't want you singing at my wedding.

Wake up!

12.00AM

It's LATE. I know.

I've just gone addicted with pictures. Especially Bokeh ones.




I feel down. After the whole thing.

Crap, what am I going to do for art? Aliens or symmetrical drawings?

BTW, notice the new heading? Something I did while watching Britain's Got Talent. Some trial and error. Will be looking for something better. =]

Crawling under the sheets now. This computer will self-shut down.

Done and over with.

Midterms are over.

Not really.

Well, there's still art and the PJ paper.

At least all the important 7 subjects are over.

I'm just relieved and glad that it's over.
I fear getting my papers back cause that's going to be a nightmare.
A real absolute nightmare.

Through several attempts of taking exams. I have concluded the effects of pre-exam:
i. When you're friend you've known for 7 years call you, you answer the phone and asks you some question, you listen to the question and answer, "Who are you?"
ii. You loose track of time thinking 1am is actually 1pm.
iii. You wake up at the weirdest time of the day. Say, 3am yesterday, 5am today, 12am the next.
iv. During exams, when you fall asleep, you wake up and think to yourself, "I just got in bed, why am I here?"
v. You get extra jumpy. Every single thing makes you go on HIGH ALERT.
vi. You have really crazy mood swings. Dark and depressing today, all cheerful and exuberant the next.
vii. Super giggly even over the silliest stuff. These applies to the girl. Though I think guys do get all giggly too. *grins innocently*
viii. Go think for yourself.

Gosh.
I have so much catching up to do.
I miss going to church.
I miss going to practices regularly.

My favorite past time now is flicking through flickr. =] =]

Heard of the show JUNO? You should watch it. The girl is amazing. Bombastic vocabulary and twisted sense of humor.

I'm talking in disjointed sentences. Oh well...

I'll be back. Soon. Make that very very soon.

Bokeh rules!! You won't be left standing alone. I'll stand with you. =]

Ciao. Toodling off.

P.S. Yes, p3, I really love it. You said you could see it in my eyes, well, I'm telling you, you're very right.

Chris, oh Chris.

I'll never call you dear cause that's left for Am to call.
Pftt....
LOL. Double LOL. ( Inside joke. Still getting over it. =p )



Thanks so much for your locker. I know half those are my books.
Thankfully, it didn't collapse, though I was wishing it would. Just for the laughs of it.
And we do owe En. Khairi one.

Since Van thought I wanted her for my birthday, and you asked to borrow her for a day, I'll have my personal jukebox for a day.
Make that crazy, non-stop laughing, hyper jukebox.
And here's the answer to your question, which I postponed.
i. A DSLR camera
ii. Books:
- Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging by Rennison, Louise
- 3 Willows: The Sisterhood Grows by Brashares, Ann
- ZITS by Jim Borgman and Jerry Scott
- Stargirl, Jerry Spinelli
- The Night Tourist, Katherine Marsh
- The Light-Bearer's Daughter by OR Melling
- The Sorceress: The Secrets Of The Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott
- City of Glass (Mortal Instruments) by Cassandra Clare

The last two books ain't out yet.
The list's alike like last year. =]

Just a short update in response to Chris.
Toodles.
Out for some get-together time with the girls.