Update.

I haven't been spending quality time with my blog. Actually I haven't been spending ANY quality time with my blog. The truth is I feel like deleting it. To get over with it with just a click. Most of you guys have a private blog, abandoning you're public one. You wouldn't know how tempting it is for me to just delete mine.

School just takes most of my time. By the time I reach home, the sun already sets. It's night time. And I'm all drained out. I'm so moody these days, it just gets on my nerves. Figures out why I kicked the taekwondo instructor so hard without really realizing I was in pain. ( He isn't my actual instructor. Anyway, he deserved being kicked. No pun intended. ) Everytime I feel like I'm in the mood to blog, it fades in a blink of an eye.

I'm getting really restless. Sick and tired of everything. I don't think I can go on any further. The intention of giving up seems so sweet that I would love to do it. I'm living in a different other world from everybody. How lost can I possibly get? It's hard to believe that I'm able to smile eventhough inside I've lost the strength to keep going on.

The three things that keeps me going are:
* the fact that I'm an English Completer. All my hardwork paid off after all.
* my iPod. Music blasts form my ear every nanosecond. Don't blame me if I can't hear you.
* I'm a prefect. I have more responsibilities now. A challenge for me to betake.

I just hope I keep going on. It seems so easy, in truth, it's not. It's freaking hard. Where's a shoulder to cry on when you need one? I'm living a life full of lies and deceit. Someday you'll realized it.

Ranting on about this is really pathetic. I better stop. Before it drives you crazy and think I'm a freak. ( I wouldn't mind anyway, freak or not. )

By the way, will any of be oh-so-kind to sponsor money for our cheerleading team? Even RM200 can do a lot to help us. Please be charitable. Help us. For us, the school, you, me? Just sponsor us. Pwetty please? With big, fat, juicy, ripe strawberries on top?

I'm glad I have you as a friend. What will I do without you? I love you lots and lots and lots. Unbreakable and unchained friendship. Makes me want to wish that you were a guy so that I can be your girlfriend. But I love you best as you are right now. Everything always have two sides right? I'm always comforted with you around eventhough it's just silence that eludes it. Little did we know that it's the silence that's everything. I feel blessed to have you as a friend. Thanks for everything you've done for me. Lighting my face with a smile, cheering me up, giving me the pat on the back when I need it, lecturing me for even thinking of giving up, comforting me during my sad moments, muddling me up, laughing at my lame jokes and many more unspoken gestures. I can't thank you enough.

My hugs are always for you.

Toodles. Aur revoir.

Tired.

Yesterday was Pn. Mishah's farewell ceremony. Lambaian kasih. As in bye-bye, we're not going to see you again and don't worry we won't miss you. Not at all. Aren't I mean? The probates had to be on duty the whole day. How exhausting...

After the whole ceremony was over, I had cheer practice till 4.30. Finally we now know who's Mr Chan. The garang, unfunny guy who's replacing Mr Hong. At least there's someone. Mr Chong is considerably old and he's bones are really fragile. No pun intended there. Mr Chong is a good couch. Just his age stopping him from doing activities he was able to do when he was younger. My whole body ache now. I know I shouldn't complain. I'm in the team now and that's the most important thing. I should just focus and give my very best.

So much has happened these past few days. It's just tiring. I'm exhausted, I don't feel like going on anymore. I don't know what are the emotions I'm feeling, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how everything happened, I don't know what to do. I just don't know. I just don't. There's nothing there to reassure me that it's normal. That everyone go through it all. Na da. Glitch.

If someone told me I had autism, I wouldn't doubt that person at all. Not a single thought of doubt. Cause I can't remember. Is it me not wanting to remember or I lost the ability to remember, I don't know. I freak myself out. Who cares?

How can you like and dislike the same person at the same time? You were one of the many people whom I know that is actually honest to me. I understand what you said. I've gone through it too. I was too drained out to tell you that. I didn't think you would believe. Forcing yourself to forget it is easier than forcing yourself to go through it. Just forget it, then you won't have to suffer anymore. I wished it was that easy. If it only was. But it will never be, so get over it and face it like a tough chick. Easier said than done, ain't it? Simplicity doesn't work that easily.

Anyway, here are some pictures taken yesterday. We people are a crazy bunch.

Juiny and I.

Sean ada 'gaya'.

Know what that means?

Guys...

Jarrel and Jia with Nav.

Don't ask what these two are up too.

Jarrel and I. With Miow.

Us.

Jack and I.

The probates.

Sean and I.

Me, Sean and Juiny.

Time to say bye bye. I might be emo-ish. Always am. So long.

I'll learn how to. I will.

Exuberant.

I finally took my Kumon English Completer's Test.
I did last minute cramming. These week has been really hectic. I slept in class everyday.
Now you know the reason why. Once my head touches to pillow, I fall to deep sleep.
All the dreams that I had during the past few nights were associated with whatever I read before sleeping.
Gives me chills thinking about it. What if I dreamt of Hamlet or Macbeth?
Or what if i dreamt that I was in The Lord of the Flies? The Death of the Salesman?
My head's loaded with all the literary terms, words, words and more words....
I abandoned all my school work. Can you believe it? I skipped one of my tuiton class to cram on 600 worksheets.
It was bloody ignorant of me to do everything last minute but with so many stuff popping up one after another, this test was not on my priority list till last week. I freaked out. BIG TIME!
When I realized that I had less than a week before the actual test I was lost, panicking and on the verge of breaking down.
I guess I was moody and isolating myself the past few days.
Not to mention, I got mad very easily and resulted in unwanted squabbling.
To whoever I ignored, scolded, shouted and insulted, I'm really sorry.
It was definitely not intentional. So I hope you'll forgive me.

Now that it is all over, I'm relieved. But not for long.
I get the results tomorrow.
I doubt I did well. The passing mark is 70%. 1 mark below 70, you have to retake it.
I was panicking when I took the test. My hands were sweating eventhough i was in an air-conditioned room. The end result, my writing came out horrendous.
I really, really hope that I'll pass. I do not want to retake it.
All I can do is cross my fingers and pray hard.

To those who were really understanding, I thank you for understanding and with-standing all my mood swings.

For you!!

Now I can start reading The Sweet Far Thing. *shouting jubilantly*
Definitely missed my books.

Toodles.

Aging.

I'm FOURTEEN today.
Should I be happy or sad?
The day's nearly over.
It had been a really long day.
As seconds go ticking by.
Hours go as I spent,
Gazing around,
Dreaming,
Having emotional spasms.
Don't ask why.
As I myself,
Would like to know too.

I'll sing a song for myself.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to kelly,
Happy birthday to me!

You'll probably think I've gone nuts or cranky.
Maybe I did.

*wishing she could do this*

Oh ya,
Vicki, thanks for singing to me but I don't appreciate the lyrics.
Change them.
If not,
I... erm.....
Won't friend you.
Haha.
Love ya lots. (as a really good friend. Ruby, don't you dare come after me.)

Undecided.

Lost between the two.


You guys probably know what this is.
If you don't, it's an Ipod Nano.
I can have the 8 GB one.

OR

This.

It's a Zits comic.
They are really hilarious.
Eventhough I'm a book nerd (yes, I admit it) I love these comics.
Really, really much.
They are totally hilarious and can cheer up me anytime.

Now, I'm stuck in between the two choices.
If I had another choice I would take both but unfortunately I don't.
So I need help from you guys.
I'll be creating a vote so poll for which you think I should get for my birthday present.
Love you bunch lots...








Tempted to give those who vote kisses, but I'll just stick to perpetual hugs.
Toodles. Vote please. For my sake, you're sake, the whole world's sake.

Reassurance.

Have you been walking on a surface that’s uncertain
Have you helped yourself to everything that’s empty
You can’t live,
This way too long,
There’s more than this,
More than this

Have you been standing on your own feet too long
Have you been looking for a place where you belong
You can rest,
You will find rest,
You can rest,
You will find rest.

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades it will be gone,
It will be gone
It will be gone

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade

Are you carrying the weight too much,
Are you running from the call
Let it fade

You can rest,
You will find rest,
You can rest,
You will find rest.

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade.....

Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong...


These lyrics bring comfort to my heart. Just like you guys.
Thanks for all your wishes in the early morning right after twelve midnight and today in the morning.

Sorry if I made some of you worry. I'm perfectly fine. Just thinking. Thanks for tolerating it all.

Friends means alot to one. Without them, who are we? A single person standing alone without anyone pushing you to go further. A single soul without anyone there for you in their embrace.

What passes your mind when you look at this?

In my mind, I felt peace and serenity in just a flower.

Lost of words.

Being emo-ish on the eve of you're birthday is not something I often do.
Today, my emotions have been in a blender. I've been on a roller coaster ride the whole day.
Feeling sad for myself, being ecstatic, going wild, back to being quiet and now emotionless.
I don't know why.
I just don't.
It' s best if you ignore me.

I can feel it in the air.

The tension.

Building up.

Rising slowly.

I know what happens next.
I'll be yearning for the comfort from the people I love and of people who love me.
The assurances, the laughter, the joy of being as one.
I don't expect much.
It was never good to have high hopes, knowing that you're fall will be longer and there will be no one to cushion your fall.
What hurts even more...

I felt it. Did you? Something has changed. Was it me? Or you?