Tired.

Yesterday was Pn. Mishah's farewell ceremony. Lambaian kasih. As in bye-bye, we're not going to see you again and don't worry we won't miss you. Not at all. Aren't I mean? The probates had to be on duty the whole day. How exhausting...

After the whole ceremony was over, I had cheer practice till 4.30. Finally we now know who's Mr Chan. The garang, unfunny guy who's replacing Mr Hong. At least there's someone. Mr Chong is considerably old and he's bones are really fragile. No pun intended there. Mr Chong is a good couch. Just his age stopping him from doing activities he was able to do when he was younger. My whole body ache now. I know I shouldn't complain. I'm in the team now and that's the most important thing. I should just focus and give my very best.

So much has happened these past few days. It's just tiring. I'm exhausted, I don't feel like going on anymore. I don't know what are the emotions I'm feeling, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how everything happened, I don't know what to do. I just don't know. I just don't. There's nothing there to reassure me that it's normal. That everyone go through it all. Na da. Glitch.

If someone told me I had autism, I wouldn't doubt that person at all. Not a single thought of doubt. Cause I can't remember. Is it me not wanting to remember or I lost the ability to remember, I don't know. I freak myself out. Who cares?

How can you like and dislike the same person at the same time? You were one of the many people whom I know that is actually honest to me. I understand what you said. I've gone through it too. I was too drained out to tell you that. I didn't think you would believe. Forcing yourself to forget it is easier than forcing yourself to go through it. Just forget it, then you won't have to suffer anymore. I wished it was that easy. If it only was. But it will never be, so get over it and face it like a tough chick. Easier said than done, ain't it? Simplicity doesn't work that easily.

Anyway, here are some pictures taken yesterday. We people are a crazy bunch.

Juiny and I.

Sean ada 'gaya'.

Know what that means?

Guys...

Jarrel and Jia with Nav.

Don't ask what these two are up too.

Jarrel and I. With Miow.

Us.

Jack and I.

The probates.

Sean and I.

Me, Sean and Juiny.

Time to say bye bye. I might be emo-ish. Always am. So long.

I'll learn how to. I will.

Exuberant.

I finally took my Kumon English Completer's Test.
I did last minute cramming. These week has been really hectic. I slept in class everyday.
Now you know the reason why. Once my head touches to pillow, I fall to deep sleep.
All the dreams that I had during the past few nights were associated with whatever I read before sleeping.
Gives me chills thinking about it. What if I dreamt of Hamlet or Macbeth?
Or what if i dreamt that I was in The Lord of the Flies? The Death of the Salesman?
My head's loaded with all the literary terms, words, words and more words....
I abandoned all my school work. Can you believe it? I skipped one of my tuiton class to cram on 600 worksheets.
It was bloody ignorant of me to do everything last minute but with so many stuff popping up one after another, this test was not on my priority list till last week. I freaked out. BIG TIME!
When I realized that I had less than a week before the actual test I was lost, panicking and on the verge of breaking down.
I guess I was moody and isolating myself the past few days.
Not to mention, I got mad very easily and resulted in unwanted squabbling.
To whoever I ignored, scolded, shouted and insulted, I'm really sorry.
It was definitely not intentional. So I hope you'll forgive me.

Now that it is all over, I'm relieved. But not for long.
I get the results tomorrow.
I doubt I did well. The passing mark is 70%. 1 mark below 70, you have to retake it.
I was panicking when I took the test. My hands were sweating eventhough i was in an air-conditioned room. The end result, my writing came out horrendous.
I really, really hope that I'll pass. I do not want to retake it.
All I can do is cross my fingers and pray hard.

To those who were really understanding, I thank you for understanding and with-standing all my mood swings.

For you!!

Now I can start reading The Sweet Far Thing. *shouting jubilantly*
Definitely missed my books.

Toodles.

Aging.

I'm FOURTEEN today.
Should I be happy or sad?
The day's nearly over.
It had been a really long day.
As seconds go ticking by.
Hours go as I spent,
Gazing around,
Dreaming,
Having emotional spasms.
Don't ask why.
As I myself,
Would like to know too.

I'll sing a song for myself.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to kelly,
Happy birthday to me!

You'll probably think I've gone nuts or cranky.
Maybe I did.

*wishing she could do this*

Oh ya,
Vicki, thanks for singing to me but I don't appreciate the lyrics.
Change them.
If not,
I... erm.....
Won't friend you.
Haha.
Love ya lots. (as a really good friend. Ruby, don't you dare come after me.)

Undecided.

Lost between the two.


You guys probably know what this is.
If you don't, it's an Ipod Nano.
I can have the 8 GB one.

OR

This.

It's a Zits comic.
They are really hilarious.
Eventhough I'm a book nerd (yes, I admit it) I love these comics.
Really, really much.
They are totally hilarious and can cheer up me anytime.

Now, I'm stuck in between the two choices.
If I had another choice I would take both but unfortunately I don't.
So I need help from you guys.
I'll be creating a vote so poll for which you think I should get for my birthday present.
Love you bunch lots...








Tempted to give those who vote kisses, but I'll just stick to perpetual hugs.
Toodles. Vote please. For my sake, you're sake, the whole world's sake.

Reassurance.

Have you been walking on a surface that’s uncertain
Have you helped yourself to everything that’s empty
You can’t live,
This way too long,
There’s more than this,
More than this

Have you been standing on your own feet too long
Have you been looking for a place where you belong
You can rest,
You will find rest,
You can rest,
You will find rest.

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades it will be gone,
It will be gone
It will be gone

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade

Are you carrying the weight too much,
Are you running from the call
Let it fade

You can rest,
You will find rest,
You can rest,
You will find rest.

Let this old life crumble,
Let it fade,
Let this new life offered be your saving grace,
Let this old life crumble let it fade,
Let it fade.....

Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong...


These lyrics bring comfort to my heart. Just like you guys.
Thanks for all your wishes in the early morning right after twelve midnight and today in the morning.

Sorry if I made some of you worry. I'm perfectly fine. Just thinking. Thanks for tolerating it all.

Friends means alot to one. Without them, who are we? A single person standing alone without anyone pushing you to go further. A single soul without anyone there for you in their embrace.

What passes your mind when you look at this?

In my mind, I felt peace and serenity in just a flower.

Lost of words.

Being emo-ish on the eve of you're birthday is not something I often do.
Today, my emotions have been in a blender. I've been on a roller coaster ride the whole day.
Feeling sad for myself, being ecstatic, going wild, back to being quiet and now emotionless.
I don't know why.
I just don't.
It' s best if you ignore me.

I can feel it in the air.

The tension.

Building up.

Rising slowly.

I know what happens next.
I'll be yearning for the comfort from the people I love and of people who love me.
The assurances, the laughter, the joy of being as one.
I don't expect much.
It was never good to have high hopes, knowing that you're fall will be longer and there will be no one to cushion your fall.
What hurts even more...

I felt it. Did you? Something has changed. Was it me? Or you?

Incredulous.

My 6 year old nephew talks about politics.
Can you believe that?
I could hardly believe it myself when I heard it. Well, I doubt my own hearing since I blast too much music into my ears every single day.
He was talking about Barisan National. Some stuff about it.
My cousin who is his mum asked him to be quiet saying that the police will come and catch him.
I on the other hand was laughing non-stop. The scene was really what do you call it? Something you don't get to see everyday.
This little kid will grow up to be someone extraordinary someday.



By the way, this is my new love. Or should I say addiction?

Ta-da. I absolutely love them.
I made my mum buy them for me eventhough she said she couldn't get them in Watsons and was lazy to go Giant. Just to satisfy my craving we bought them at Isetan. There were only 3 packets left but I got them anyway.
Now, I'm happily munching them. I'm floating....

Toodles. Going to practice my kicks.

Cries.

What's harder than only knowing but you can't do anything about it?


Feeling completely helpless.


Just the feeling of it.


Leaves a deep, burning scar.


Please....


You mean much more than that.


You were there when I needed someone.


Let me be there for you.


That's what friends are for.


A shoulder to lean on when you barely have the strength to stand up anymore.


I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. I know how hurt you are. Let me repay my deeds. Please...

The beauty of it all. Totally ironic.

Time will tell....

Wish list.

This is specially for the one and only Chrissy. Told you I'll post it ages ago so now here is it.

Let's see. Hmmm... What I want?
* A DSLR camera
* Sling bag
* Bracelet
* Books ( obviously )
- The Sweet Far Thing, Libba Bray
- What I Was, Meg Rosoff
- The Night Tourist, Katherine Marsh
- Gossamer, Lois Lowry
- Stargirl, Jerry Spinelli
- Peeps, Scott Westerfield
- The Spiderwick Chronicles
* The comic, ZITS by Jim Borgman and Jerry Scott
* Anything that's blue or rainbow colored, cheers me up, reminds me of you and strictly has nothing to do with those GUYS!!
* Anything that has something to do with underwater.
* Anything, it's you who gives counts.
* Chrissy, I ran out of ideas so can I have you and Sapphire instead? For the year? ( though I think Ruby will be mad that I took her)

That's pretty much all.

Friends like you are little assurances that give hope when there is none left.

To you.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!

to LARISSA AND STEPHENIE. (sorry for the tardiness.)

My very own leng chai.















Stepmother. These seem so long ago.


Hope all your wishes come true.

Get a boy friend quick, as soon as possible.

Be more crazier. ( Not you Stephy, you're crazy enough. =p )
Do something unimaginable.
Flunk you're exam once in a while. ( inadvisable )
Break into someone's house.
Have a girly day out without ANY guys.
Try an extreme sport.
and last but not least
Have FUN in life and take it easy.


Most importantly, remember ME!! (or not)

I'm back!!

You might wonder from where. The answer is here....











Still can't figure where? Read on and you'll know.

I was red as a lobster and now I'm black as a blackie or should I say soot?
Fatter and darker. Not exactly something ideal for any girl is it but I don't mind. Nothing will ever top what I felt when I was underwater looking at the marine life, enjoying the food, inhaling the breath-taking scenery, relaxing and unwinding. I absolutely LOVE it there. In love with an island and the marine life.

Waking up on Friday morning, groggy and tired I got ready for the flight. Inside I was feeling all happy, excited and ecstatic. I was going on a trip for 4 days and 3 nights to Mabul and Tawau with my mum, brother, sister and aunt. My dad was still recovering so he stayed at home to recuperate. This trip opened up my eyes to many wonderful, wondrous sights and thoughts. Gaining that special something was definitely a great surprise but a brought bountiful blessing that I witnessed.

Taken in the plane. We're actually not allowed to on our cameras. Typical me.

In the plane, I fought with my brother to get the window seat. Guess who won? *voluntarily raises hand* I was faster than him. He can't compete with my though since he carries more stuff than me. The flight took around 2 hours and 45 minutes. Upon arriving Tawau airport, a van brought us to Semporna to the jetty to take a boat to Sipadan Island. I sat at the end of the boat. It was like a speedboat. The gush of wind gushing through my hair was great. Inhaling fresh air. It was definitely a change from the dusty and polluted air here. Just an inhale and you'll feel wide awake and ongoing. The trip from the jetty to Mabul took around 45 minutes. I enjoyed every Emeril of it. By the time we reached Mabul, it was already time for lunch. Was practically starved since I was too excited to eat anything. It had been ages since I last went for a holiday. I was amazed when I reached the place.

The picture that I took from the boat upon arriving.

The view from the restaurant.

The service there is really great. The people are all very friendly and polite. It makes you feel all warm and mushy inside. We checked in to our room or what they call cottages after lunch. It's real roomy and spacey. Makes you feel like home. Maybe better. Mum, aunt and my sister decided to sleep while my brother and I went to the beach to collect seashells. Apparently he's an expert in finding shells and he had to flaunt it. But it wasn't an ideal time to collect seashells at the time as the tide was high but he managed to collect quite a few nice ones. On the other hand, I only managed to get a few measly, small ones.

The beach where the both of us collected shells.

There were villagers living by the beach. It's like a kampung. The beach is littered with all sorts of stuff including dead shrimps. Lots of dead shrimps. Floating, giving you the eye and their dead bodies stretch beyond the eye. Enough to give you nightmares. My brother and I wade through the dead bodies. The weather was playing games with the both of us. As we were busy collecting seashells it started to drizzle then it began to pour. Any normal person would have head for cover. So the both of us being "normal" went back to the room. As we walked back to our room, the rain stopped. We decided to head back to the beach since the other three sleeping beauties were still sleeping and neither one of us had the intention to waste our precious time sleeping. As we head back to the beach, being smarter this time, we carried an umbrella with us. Reaching the beach, it started raining again. It was really frustrating but I didn't mind. It all comes down on how you perceive the situation.

We're walking on water. Technically.

When we head back from the beach,we went snorkelling near the area where we stayed. Just the siblings. The water is really salty. I unintentionally gulped a few mouthfuls. Don't you dare ask why or how. Dinner was great. We had barbecue seafood. It's delicious or should I say scrumptious? I ate so much till I was bloated. Worth it though. After dinner, we went to watch a video clip before heading back to our rooms. I'm in the same room as my mum and my brother. He stole my bed. Must had been payback time for him. I sat on the rocking chair, rocking, rocking, rocking and rocking like an old grams cherishing everything around her. Quite close. I'm not that old yet. Only 13+ years spent on Earth but the last part was true. Looking everything around me, I had a thought. God's creations are really fascinating, splendid and indescribable. If we only took the time from our very busy schedule to look around and realize it. If only we opened our eyes and see things from our heart, not only looking but perceiving, we'll find something that we'll never imagine. Something right in front of us... but undetected. If only... For the very first time, I got a fresh new insight. Peace eluded me.

That night, I slept contentedly realizing something. The next day I woke up super-duper early to take these pictures.

A new beginning.


The start of a new day.

On the second day, we headed back to Tawau at 2pm. We woke up, had breakfast and at 7am we went to Sipdan Island. Trust me, it's amazing. I touched 3 turtles with my bare hands. Nothing will ever top what I felt touching an amazing creature. I even saw two turtles mating and fighting. Not to mention, seeing two sharks, one large and adult sized, made me froze on the spot. The array of colorful fishes is amazing. It's unfortunate that I can't dive. Imagine the wonders under the sea. I got stung by transparent jellyfishes. All of us did. It's pain at first but you'll get use to it after a while. The best experience was snorkelling at Sipdan. I'll never forget it. Not to mention, I lost count of the number of hermit crabs I played with. They're a fun creature. Really entertaining.

Us.

Leaving the island was very hard for me. It had captured my heart. While leaving, I left part of me there. I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to be there. I learn much. It's not something that can be read or learn from a book. It's something you experience yourself. There and then.

My brother and I.

We took a boat back to the jetty. A van drove us back to the hotel. The journey seemed really long. Time goes by slowly in Sabah as the people there take things lightly, unlike the city here. Tawau is a really small town. It's pretty much boring. So the next few days, we spent our time in the hotel. I was practically glued to the television. We regretted staying in Tawau for 2 nights. Should have gone to Kota Kinabalu instead. Couldn't do much as we already made bookings and paid for everything. So time passed by slowly as we relaxed and did pretty much nothing.

I would love to type more but I'm getting really frustrated with Blogger since it's obviously cranky. I'll skip everything at the end. SO sorry if you were actually reading it. Blame it on Blogger. Not me. I might continue to post or I might not. Depends on my mood.

Time to say bye bye to my never ending story. It's not the end yet but I've gone completely restless, on the verge of breaking down in tears as Blogger erased what I spent my might typing. Just feeling empty right now. Thanks to grr...

Adious. I'll reappear again someday to post.

Addiction.

I'm addicted to Bella's and Edward's fan fiction again.
Teenagers can really think of the impossible and pen it down.

Stephenie Meyer's works charms people into addiction.
First example, Vicki.
Second example, Amelia. *I wonder how she'll survive without the book during the holidays.*

I can't wait for Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun.
Waiting is all I seem to do these days.
So I'll end up waiting;
For books to be published,
For someone to create a time machine;
For an unexpected incident to occur;
For me to fall in love;
For the human race to be extinct;
For the world to explode;
For alie-- I better stop my ramblings for now.

It's just a short update for today. Moody and emotionless again.
Crazy me. Never sane.

Light's out, boys and girls. *poof*

p.s Maybe I'll post a wish list when I free. I told Christie I'll post one.

Kt's Party.

I'm finally updating my blog. Thanks to Jack bugging me everyday. *gives him evil stares*
I was suppose to update anyway when Sara 'updated' her blog. Some update it was.

It seems like Koon Thong's party was just yesterday. Time really flies in a blink of an eye. I remember going there feeling stinky, dirty and utterly exhausted. [ Vicki, I read what you wrote in your blog. I can't even crack a smile on it. You said I stank and went far away on that day and now you're denying it in your blog?? Hypocrite!!]

The reason was cause I went straight from camp to Koon Thong's house. But not before going to Yu Kit's house Sean and I 'tumpang' his car. ( Whatever dirty thoughts you're thinking right now, ERASE it.) We were suppose to change in school but surprise, surprise, all the doors were locked. So off we went to his house which was considerably near from school. Yu Kit takes a long time in the bathroom. His mum grumbled non-stop while Sean and I were stifling our laughs. After aeons of uncountable seconds gone ticking by, he finally came out. While he taking his own sweet time, Sean and I made a deal. He's not to tease me about the two guys if I stop teasing him with his 'girlfriends'. He does keep his word after all. Surprised?

The party starts at 5pm but we went there late. Firstly, thanks to Yu Kit's quality time spent in the bathroom and secondly, thanks to Koon Thong's sense of ridiculous directions. Smart, hey? Not knowing the way to your own house. We finally managed or should I say his parents finally managed to navigate their way to his house? We stood waiting outside his gate, ringing the bell in annoyance. In the car, I had to sit in the middle of Yu Kit and Sean for no reason. And while these two guys were busy squabbling, I was stuck in between the both of them. Some field trip. Both of them agreed to beat Koon Thong up after the trouble he got us into.

Gwenny's camera shy.

Not anymore. =]

The guys were all busy on the computer, Play station and playing card games. The girls were just sitting there acting like models, posing. Would you believe it? Apparently the girls were bored. So you go to a party to sit and pose for anyone passing by? What a great idea. I just made a new breakthrough. Next time, go to a party, sit and pose. I'm being really sarcastic aren't I?

The sole girls and the boys. The other girls magically vanished.

Out of the blues, Vicki, Yu Kit and I got called down. Vicki and I got sprayed by Ben and Koon Thong. Yu Kit was smart enough to save his arse. I screamed my lungs out and decided to stop since I couldn't do anything else but wait for the guys to stop spraying. I wouldn't mind it but they had like no reason to do it. It wasn't my birthday, nothing that had anything to do with me. Wrong place, wrong time.

May I present the Queen and King.

The girls.

The boys. There are a few missing.

*no comment*

Koon Thong also had a dog which everyone claimed was a homosexual since it keep doing 'stuff'. Apparently it's attracted to boys. It's really cute and adorable, though. Really fluffy.

Adrian and the dog.

With doggy. It's name is Bobby. =]

Miow, master of all thinkers. Really intense.

The party ended with cream-fight. I started it by putting cream on Koon Thong's face. Let the war begin. That was fun. Wonder what Vicki and Yu Kit did when they share a special moment together. *cheeky smile* All of us had fun at the party. I'm sure we all did. Memories made by us will always be cherished. Once a friend, always a friend. I'm being mushy but I love it anyway.


Lights out. Nighty Night.

p.s I'll post more pictures later. Doubt it'll happen. =p