Happy Burpday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

MARCUS CHOY

You're older than me today.
It's been like two years since we last saw each other.
Time sure passes by fast.
It's seems like just yesterday you were cracking jokes and kicking me under the table while we burst out laughing.
I know it's a tough time for you now but you'll survive, like you always do.
Remember, someone is always there for you. No matter what.
Don't fret nor frown.
Instead smile and tell yourself, "You'll go through it all."

Once a friend, always a friend.

The path that lies ahead of you is not decided. You are the ONE to make the pick.

Don't.

Don't crush my hopes anymore.
I'm sick of it.
Tired.
Frustrated.
How hard must I try?
I didn't expect it to be perfect.
But this?
Get a grip.
I didn't go this far,
To see it all fade away.
So don't think I'll ever give up.
Cause I never will.
I will always return.
A promise made is a promise kept,
Though you broke part of it,
I wont.

Gossamer.

The gossamer of my dreams.
Flimsy, light, delicate and insubstantial.
Dare I dream any further?
The higher your expectations are,
The higher you fall.

No matter how high a bubble floats,
It'll burst.

You said I was an enemy. You said you hated me. Spite conquers you.

But I don't feel that way. At all. How is that?

We crash to many times.
Two trains on parallel lines.
We're the two trains always colliding.
Too frequent.
Too consistent.
The damaged cause is prone to hurt us all.

Deadline.

6 days for me to decide. She asked me to give it a try. And the deadline is on 26th January.
How on earth am I going to do it? I barely have enough time for myself to actually laze around or even go to Vicki's house to start on the project, moreover finish it. Life's just so hectic, that I don't even have the time to chat with my friends. Not even a single hi. Now with my MSN malfunctioning, its even worse. *sighs* It can't get better can it?

I'll guess I'll try to finish it between these days. Maybe with a little help from a someone whom I did not had any contact with for ages. Wonder if I'm still remembered. To me it seems impossible. I actually forgot all about it till today.

The good-bad news is that I'm completing my English next month. Already reached L100. It's going to be real tough and challenging. Especially reviewing three levels. Not to mention exams next month. Boy, how am I going to go through it all? I didn't expect to finish my English next month anyway. It was suppose to be in April. The faster, the better I guess. I'll have more time for maths.

Grading test is next week. Cross you're fingers and wish me luck. I'm going to need all the luck I can get. I'll be taking it solo. Again. I guess it has it's pro's and con's. One step closer to black belt. 3 more tests left. It's not that nerve-biting now. As long as I remember all my patterns and not freak out. Not going to be that hard after all the practices. Two meddlesome kids got me so mad that I kicked three different colored boards right in their face. They were making fun of me and I couldn't stand it anymore. Talk about respect. Firstly they are younger than me. Secondly I'm a higher rank than them and thirdly they have no right to go mocking people when they themselves can't even kick the boards themselves without actually injuring some part of their body. Glad that I made them shut up. The instructor was surprised as I didn't like to kick boards without being forced by him and I kicked three today. It's a wonder what anger can do to you.

I'm actually eating pizza while typing. Better go now. Till more boards, long-distant friend and pizza.

p.s I have three options left open. I'm hoping that I don't have to chose.

School.

It's like a real-life video game. In the games where you face lots of monsters. Go through each level one at a time. Only in reality, it's ten times harder, harsher and horrifying. If you fall, you fall. You won't get another extra life nor the game restarting all over again. Once you fall, you've got to learn to brush away the dust and stand right back up. But the bonuses that you get are much more valuable and treasured compared to the ones you get in the game. It's good to get astray from the path once in a while to turn around and look back at all your past memories. Past memories that inspire and encourage you to go on no matter how hard it is. Just as long as you try with all your might and believe that you can do it with all your hard. No matter what, persevere.

School has consume all my time and strength, leaving me a bottomless, endless pit.
I don't have the time or the energy to blog, watch dvd's, lay on the bed and have fantasies, stare at the ceiling, day-dream, shopping and many more other things. Suddenly, things get an unexpected twist.

The not-so-good news- CHEERLEADING.
The future of our team, one word. Bleak. There's so much confusion, disagreement, judgment and emotional issues. Why can't it be like last year? Why must it be like this? Why must of all the people on earth, why must it befall on us? It's just so frustrating. We worked so hard last year to get this far and all you have for us are just more bad news? All the empty promises you are making hurts us even more. We love this sport so much and what are you going to do? Crush all our hard-earned work and experience? Demolish our hopes of becoming even better? I understand what you're doing. It's hard. I know. But you can't bear them all yourself. It's hard for us and it's even harder for you. I get it. All our hopes are slowly ebbing away. If only....

The news that put a smile on my face- PROBATION.
I passed the interview. *drumrolls* It's unbelievable, unexpected, unimaginable. As usual, I was muddled up by my 'two-sided' thinking. One part screams out loud that I won't pass the interview while the other part shouts and echoes in my head that I will pass the interview. Freaky crazy of me. My first duty starts next week. I'm both exhilarated and nervous. I'm always up for a new challenge so I'll try my best. [ If my best is good enough.] It's going to be an experience thats worth it though. Congratulations to all the others who got chosen. And to the others who weren't, don't feel too bad. Try again next year. Don't give up no matter what.

2 Keruing is like a real-life drama. How fascinating. What do you expect? All girls. I wish there were guys. The class will actually be livelier instead of everyone acting as though they are mourning over the death of someone. No pun intended. It's true though. I love noise, not exactly peace and calm. I guess I'm really demanding.

p.s I've finished Ironside. Dave died. Roiben and Kaye are together again.

p.p.s My exam's next week. Ughh... I'm so not ready for it.

Till anonymous people, more books and unexpected little kindness.

Interview.

I was picked to be a 'calon' prefect last Wednesday.
Totally unexpected since I'm not that goody-goody two shoes and I do break rules.
I can even be a fugitive from the law. Well, a person who believes that law is meant to be broken is definitely surprised when she got picked.

Today was the interview. Part of me was freaking out while the other part was really confident and poised. There were two sides of me fighting against one another.
I guess the freaking out part won though it was a close one. At 2pm, we gathered near the discipline room and sat there. Katherine called out names and those whose names were called were allowed to go for a break.

There was very little time to eat. Some of us did not eat while the others just stuff everything in their mouth. After that, we had to trudge all the way up to the fourth floor. Well, most people walked but I trudged. I sat between Amelia and Soo Jean. They started calling names, five at a time, starting with the form 1's. Amelia and her brother was called the earliest. Maybe cause they were rushing back or something. While we waited, Amelia and I talked. Then she was called. I was left with Soo Jean.

I forgot who was Marcus and who was Jun Kit. I confused Amelia. Sorry. You know I can't remember names. Only faces.

I sat there for an hour with everyone else in Form 2, 3 and 4.
Rebecca came out and another girl traded places with the guy. She was teasing us, saying Peter couldn't be a prefect and said Ming had the potential. San was up to his remarks, humoring all of us. Rebecca gave us same advise and the tension in the air was gone. When my name was called, Rebecca called me Jarrel. I have absolutely no idea what happened. I could hear what San was saying.

You won't believe it but I ENJOYED the interview. Can you believe it?
I had fun during the interview. I truly enjoyed it. I was nervous. I won't say what happened during the interview as I'll keep it to myself. It was half hilarious, half nerve biting and entertaining. I didn't expect it to be like that.

I don't think I will get choose to be a probate. I wasn't confident enough.
That doesn't bothers me though. I'll swallow my pride and try again next year. At least I had the courage to try and I did all I was capable of. Good Luck to all of you. Best of luck. It's definitely an experience for all of us. If you don't get to be one, don't get disappointed, try again next year. It's not the end of the world. Focus on something else instead. There's always something else in life to pursue. For me, if I actually get to be one, it's an added bonus and I'll be thankful to God.

Frankly, I won't mind sitting for another interview if it's the same people.


p.s Xun Kin, if you're reading this, I remembered what you said. *smiles*

p.p.s Matthew, I'm so coming after you. I'll be your scariest, meanest stalker you've ever had.

Till more interviews, kind deeds and foolish acts.

Growing.

I refuse to grow up.
I want to be stuck in Neverland.
I want to whine and shout and scream like a little kid.
I want you to understand that.
I want my innocence.
I want my cheeky smile back.
I want to smile and laugh belly-laughs.

Growing up is so hard. Your imagination locked up like a caged bird.
It yearns to be free but no matter how hard it tries to escape, it fails to do so.
The harder you try, the more you'll injured yourself.
A fighter is what you inspire to be. Keep fighting on and not giving up no matter what.

Be in a bubble. Consumed in your own world. Not realizing a single thing thats going on.

Being in a crowd and still feel like you're all alone.

Undecided.

Tomorrow.

School's reopening tomorrow.
Pangs of nostalgia keeps coming to me.
It's great to see my friends again but the thought of going back to school just dampens my mood.
I'm still in a holiday mood. Not in the mood to be cracking up books, memorizing facts, being drained out, going for tuitons and the thought of waking up early again just makes me want to groan even louder.

No more late nights.
No more waking up late.
No more dilly dallying around.
No more being glued to the television.
No more tiring my hands, just to type fast.
No more reading till who-knows-what-time-it-is.

I'm just filled with negative energy aren't I?
I dread school after the long or is it short holidays.
It's just no fun. All bore.
Waking up at 6 in the morning.
And the only one in my family doing that.
Mum too of course.
But my sister and brother get to sleep.
I want the holidays to last longer.
Maybe forever.....
It's impossible anyway.

I'll blog again sometime. [ If I survive my first day, that's if]
Have fun and break all the school rules. Kidding.

2007.

Has gone and past.
All's left are just memories.
Long-forgotten?
Maybe.
But some memories,
Aren't meant to be forgotten,
While some,
Are suppose to be erased from our minds.
Lot's gain,
Lot's lost.
Will I ever get them back?
I pounder hard,
It still remains a question.
There's still a part,
Where it wants time to stop,
At it's best time.
The other part,
Wants to look forward,
Change things,
Have an even more splendid year ahead.
I'm lost in thought,
Thinking, dreaming, hallucinating.
One thing's for sure,
What I've went through this year,
I've learned my lesson.
Regretting isn't going to do me any good.
Just drink it up and keep it in.
Let it go once you know you can't take it anymore.
There's always someone for you.
If you only believe.