Breathing Air Again.

by the amazing Natalie Kucken.

(Disclaimer: This image belongs to Natalie.)

I'm a worry-wart.

I admit that. I worry incessantly.

I don't even know why.

It's a natural instinct I guess.

Why did I bring that out of the blue?

The past few days, I've been doing exactly that.

Which is foolish.

But I did it.

I'm still doing it, actually.

Silly girl.

***

Take the time to be okay.

***

Yesterday, Q made me realize that I lost contact with 'that' particular group of friends.

Slowly we begin to drift apart.

As time passes by, we eventually became strangers right under our noses.

She made me realize how they, particularly the two of them, were there for me during my weakest moments and guided me back up.

Through it all, they never gave up on me though I was on the brink of giving up on myself.

I miss the banters, musings, late night chats and constant teasing we used to share.

D and I, I miss having you guys around.

Eventhough the three of us are all busy with our own lives, I do still recall the times we shared togehther and when that image slowly unravels, a smile will find its way onto my lips.

What more could I possibly ask for with friends like these?

I just hope, that, someday, one day, or during the next several days, we'll share a deeper friendship.

I'll be waiting for that day to come.

***

Why, oh why, on earth are the competitions and events scheldued all in a single month, overlapping one other?

Midterms are next month.

The first competition is next month.

The event I want to partake in is next month, coincidently on the same day as the competition.

And next month?

It's TOMORROW!!

Where, oh where, did the past few months go?

I believe they became dust particles and floated off into the air.

Unaware and descrete.

Silently making it's way to a place it's headed.

***

Take the time to think about someone else besides yourself.

***

You know, I have a feeling that we're going to be okay.

That I'm going to be okay.

I do feel inspired to pick up my camera and do a shoot.

It's not really planned out but that's the way I want it to be.

A sudden combustion of spontanity. It adds a special magical touch.

When the time comes, I'll procede with it.

***

Let that be enough.

***

I've consumed enough time here.

Expect another comeback in maybe several weeks?

It depends.

Toodles.

P.S. Robbie Seay Band. Soul-quenching music. If you know what I mean. I begin my day with his music and end my day with it.

"It might not be the prettiest thing you'll ever see but it's a new day."

After today, I felt like I had an alternative. All of a sudden, everything looked up.

It was refreshing.

And after a long while, I actually looked forward to the future. It's a long shot but I'll remain optimistic.

There are times where you just have to take things as they go.

Plans will always go array.

Nothing is ever set in stone till its done.

In the end, it's up to you to adapt.

To accept the truth. As much as you harbor feelings for it.

No matter what, just go on.

Don't bother thinking it's not worth it.

In the end, you'll know.

It is.

This friendship between us, it's unnaturally natural.

Somehow, me sitting beside you felt so easy. There was no need for the false pretense. We just had to be who we were.

It was that simple.

No words were needed to acknowledge the friendship we built over the long run.

For a moment in time, I thought we lost that. But it was a breath of fresh air when I discovered that it was still there. If not, stronger.

I so want this. Points.

Credits to Lexi.

I'm yearning for this book. *points up*

No way you'll get it here in Malaysia. *moans* *on the brink of tears*

It's simply amazing. I would bring it to bed every night and leave it by my night stand.

You'll catch a glimpse of me with a smile etched on my face every single night. Trust me.

If only I could get it.

Actually I do have some pictures which I took that I am rather fond of.

But I'm feeling rather the blues so you just have to wait for the day where there is a massasive upload. Don't hold your breath though.

I really hope I get in. *crosses fingers*

Toodles. You won't get another post from me till I-don't-know-when. Apparently, I'm waiting for the move to occur. Till then, I'm inconsistent.

If you knew crying doesn't help solve an issue, why do you still feel like breaking down into tears?

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Just when it seems that there is hope, it gets crushed. Again. And again.

I really want your comforting words to be true. I want them to come true.

P.S. Thanks for being there for me when I was down. It means a lot to me.

There are times when you just break down.

Somehow, I managed to program myself to expect so much out of myself when that day comes.

There are times when I feel like giving up because I can't live up to my OWN expectations.

That's the worst.

Cause it's me, myself setting the standards.

I really came up with so many amazing things.

I had all the scenes in my mind. Set out.

But at this rate I'm going?

I feel like I'm going no where.

Actually I do know that as a fact.

But my instincts tell me that I should continue and try to overcome this barrier.

You know what, I think I will.

I'll go with my instincts.

But it'll take time.

Plenty. In fact.

After all, it's a struggle within a struggle.

Something tells me that it will be worth it by the end of the day.

And I'll hold on to that belief as long as I can.

I find it ironic.

Now that I know what I want, it's a little too late.

The material goods that my heart yearns for.

But I also know that I have to earn them.

To make it all worth it.

So that I learn to appreciate them.

I just wish that the wait didn't have to be that long.

From Tumblr.

After today, I feel alive again.

Rejuvenated somehow.

I plan to hold on to this feeling of renewed hope.

As long as I'm able to.

Toodles.

P.S. After the last haircut, my hair's gotten all funky. I need another haircut.

Something of the fog.

credits to Colin H.

Just so you know, I think about you sometimes.

When my guard's down.

Just sometimes. Unconsciously.

It feels like the most natural thing to do.

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. I think it's the latter.

It's so easy conjuring your image.

A simple word or picture and snap, memories we've shared stream through my mind.

Took me that long to finally realize I've lost a really good friend.

***

I wish you'll stopped giving me those cryptic messages.

You said, "I'll know."

Well, I've racked my brain over and over again.

And I still don't know.

I wish I had the guts to tell you the truth.

I wish you had the guts to tell me the truth.

Is this just simply a game we're playing?

I've had enough of going round and round in circles.

I've just had enough.

I do find it amusing.

Just that day, I was walking.

Then a guy came up to me.

And we started talking.

He wasn't heading my direction but he followed me to continue our conversation.

Just as we were turning round a corner, we bumped into his friend.

A very straight-on, honest friend.

The friend took a look at me, grinned and said to him, "Stop hitting on her man, she's 3 years older than you!"

I was doubling over with laughter as I tried to contain it.

I walked off, leaving them to their bickering.

The End.

Lol.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, that's the kind of friend you want to have alongside you.

Someone who's honest and dang-on-straight-forward to keep your feet and head on the ground.

One who wouldn't just lie to simply please you or to keep you happy for the next few several minutes before you head on to ruin your life. (Overdramatic? I know.)

It's one that gives you their opinions eventhough you won't like it but they have your best interests in their heart.

That's the one for keeps.

That girl's been straying from her path.

She feels lost.

She's uninspired.

She has a little further more to fall.

I've been peeved lately.

2 weeks in a row.

On the exact same day.

Thanks to some certain people whom I choose not to name.

And it's been getting on my nerves.

And I want it disposed.

Right away.

by Natalie Dee.

Most of my posts are out of the moment spurs.

Once the spur is gone, it's gone.

Toodles.

P.S. I wish we had every other week off from school or at least a week off once a month. I really need it.