I haven't really felt the true loss of losing someone I dearly love.
A second dad.
The only answer I can attribute to this situation is that I'm still in self denial.
Refusing to accept the fact that the man who is always a fatherly figure towards me is gone.
Forever.
Gone.
Until it hits me right square in the heart, I'm still wandering around in this abyss of darkness and gloom.
For the smell of burning incense is all that fogs my mind and clouds my judgement.
And all I can feel is the numbness throbbing in my pulse.
Till I'm ready to allow myself to start experiencing pain and loss, the numbness remains.
Till I finally break, this is how I'll remain.
In this state of comatose.
I know I will eventually break.
When?
I know my resistance to feel is strong.
It's something I wish I wasn't good at.
But apparently it's something I'm good at.
Till I finally feel, this is how it'll be.
Trapped in a maze spun by self deception.
