That's how my emotions are. Just in the blender, being blended. In other words, unstable.
I need a vent. I'm sick of keeping it all inside.
It takes so much strength to keep myself sane.
Cause this is how it's like:
Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm living a life in hiding cause I'm so afraid. The little feeble thing, so small and vulnerable.
That's how I feel like when it all happens at one go.
The harder I try, the worthless it becomes.
Overwhelmed with joy, trouble, fantasies, hopes, forgiveness, responsibilities and sorrows.
I need time ALONE.
A day not surrounded by people and feel lonely.
A day of piece and quiet.
A day with just me, myself.
A day of reflecting and thought.
Thank you for being there for me. It just took a few simple words from you to show that it care. I'm a little surprised that you text me right away when you thought of me. I'm even more surprised that you still remember me. We weren't that close and we didn't talk much. I'm gladder than glad that your simple words made me happier than I have been for the past few days. I was really down when I got back. Your text made me smile a little cause I know I have been down and emotionless lately.
You showed me the way to go.
Comforted me in a comforting way.
Promised me that you'll always be there for me.
Sounding me when I pushed myself to far.
Reassuring that no matter that is always the right choice.
Embracing me with your prayers for me.
You let me back to God.
Encouraged me to seek Him whatever happens.
Telling me over and over that He loves me dearly even when I have sinned.
I don't know what triggered you to text me out of the blue but I believe it was all God's plan. Maybe you received my distress call eventhough I did not send out any. But God knew I was in distress without myself realizing it. Thank you so much for caring. All I want to do now is give you a hug. And my brightest smile. For at the end of the day, we'll both be the grinning idiots but who cares? We're both the grinning idiots who has discovered THE treasure everyone seeks. I like the saying "Kindness always returns to you for it is never gone." Heard of it? Most probably not cause it came right from my heart. I'll always want to be your friend. Having a friend like you sums up all my relief.
All tears has stopped flowing. For I know God is always there for me.
Last but not least, to all South Anchorz cheerleaders, don't give up. Push yourself to the limit. Nadia has already given her very best to the team, why can't we all do the same? We're all equally tired and frustrated but there is no reason for you to give up so easily and continue ranting. Didn't you know, we're all in this together, as a team. Doesn't that matter at all? It's such a disappointment, if you actually realized it. So stop all your crappy complaining and start doing something worthy. We promised one another to. And we love one another don't we? I'm glad for today for I got to tell you guys what I felt. The thoughts we shared, the tears we cried out, the hugs we offered to each other...... We're pillars of support for one another. Someday you'll discover the joy of cheerleading. So please for all you're efforts, the time you gave up, the commitment you paid, the energy you used up, the sweat you poured out, the work Nadia did just for us, do something for the team. You don't know how it's like but trust me, once you do, you'll break down and cry. Cause then, reality hits you like a bullet right smack in the heart.
You'll discover the joy of it. Like I did.
P.S. Be strong girl. I know it's hard for you. I might not hold a special place in your heart but just remember, no matter what I'm always there for you. So put a brave smile on your face and continue living for yourself, for it is within you, you'll fine divine happiness. You have nothing to loose for you are blessed with many gifts others yearn to posses. So cheer up, my friend.
I'll be there to stitch up your every tear. That's what friends are for.
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